Colonoscopy [PIC]
PG-Rated
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a Colonoscopy in Seattle, I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.
See the rest of "Colonoscopy [PIC]"•
The Difference If You Marry a Canadian Girl
G-Rated
Three friends married women from different parts of the world...
The first man married a Asian girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Greek girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Canada . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
See the rest of "The Difference If You Marry a Canadian Girl"•
New Drugs
PG-Rated
St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
See the rest of "New Drugs"•
Get Well...
G-Rated
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
See the rest of "Get Well..."•
Lewinsky & Kaczynski
PG-Rated
This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words, Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber), in a limerick. Here are the three winners:
See the rest of "Lewinsky & Kaczynski"•
A Dancing Legend
G-Rated
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93.
See the rest of "A Dancing Legend"•
Exercise?
G-Rated
It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life. This enables you, at 85 years of age, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month!
•
Redneck Love Poem
G-Rated
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE; SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
•
A Serious Scientific Enquiry
G-Rated
"It all started with an enquiry from a nurse," Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki told listeners to his science phone-in show on the Triple J radio station in Brisbane. "She wanted to know whether she was contaminating the operating theatre she worked in by quietly farting in the sterile environment during operations, and I realised that I didn't know. But I was determined to find out."
See the rest of "A Serious Scientific Enquiry"•
Priceless: The Reception
R-Rated
New hairdo: $45
Dress for Reception: $200
Matching new shoes: $70
See the rest of "Priceless: The Reception"•
Old Farts
PG-Rated
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What're you selling' here?"
See the rest of "Old Farts"•
Development
G-Rated
All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.
The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.
Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.
See the rest of "Development"•
Hunters
G-Rated
A couple of Kentucky hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
See the rest of "Hunters"•
A Lift
PG-Rated
A young woman from New York City was driving through a remote part of Oklahoma when her car broke down. An Indian came riding by on horseback and offered to give her a lift. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride into town was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a loud whoop that echoed back from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in Bartlesville, he let her off at the local Phillips 66 Service Station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
See the rest of "A Lift"•
