Forwarded Funnies http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/ Copyright 2008 Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.2 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Blonde Math The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/blonde_math_012617.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/blonde_math_012617.html PG-Rated Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Mutual Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this  'Sex and Marriage'book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mutual_012614.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mutual_012614.html PG-Rated Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 The Ballerina A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_ballerina_012615.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_ballerina_012615.html PG-Rated Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Priorities An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam.  I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/priorities_012613.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/priorities_012613.html PG-Rated Mon, 18 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Lifesavers! Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/lifesavers_012612.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/lifesavers_012612.html PG-Rated Sun, 17 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Redneck Country There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/redneck_country_012611.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/redneck_country_012611.html PG-Rated Sat, 16 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Late Night Thoughts As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/late_night_thoughts_012610.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/late_night_thoughts_012610.html PG-Rated Fri, 15 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Interior Decorating for Dog Owners Decorating when you have dogs can provide unique opportunities to express your own personal style and taste. Here are some tips I'd like to share:

1. Bare floors, without carpet or throw rugs, can give a nice open feeling to a room. It can provide a soothing balance when you have many art objects that reflect your love of animals.

2. Paw prints and nose smudges on glass doors and windows break up glare and soften the light in a room.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/interior_decorating_for_dog_owners_012609.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/interior_decorating_for_dog_owners_012609.html G-Rated Thu, 14 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Mad Cow? [PIC] http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mad_cow_pic_012608.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mad_cow_pic_012608.html X-Rated Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Everything's better with ... A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed. "Damn Bob, you're hung!!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asks.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/everythings_better_with__012607.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/everythings_better_with__012607.html PG-Rated Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 The Latest Computer Upgrades [PICS] image

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_latest_computer_upgrades_pics_012606.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_latest_computer_upgrades_pics_012606.html PG-Rated Mon, 11 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Kitty Sunbathers [PIC] http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/kitty_sunbathers_pic_012605.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/kitty_sunbathers_pic_012605.html G-Rated Sun, 10 Aug 2008 19:40:11 -0800 Noah in the modern day The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Canada , and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.'

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/noah_in_the_modern_day_012599.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/noah_in_the_modern_day_012599.html G-Rated Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 SENIOR DRESS CODE Many of us ' Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/senior_dress_code_012589.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/senior_dress_code_012589.html G-Rated Thu, 07 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800 Government [PIC] http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/government_pic_012588.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/government_pic_012588.html G-Rated Wed, 06 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0800