He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam.  I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

1. Bare floors, without carpet or throw rugs, can give a nice open feeling to a room. It can provide a soothing balance when you have many art objects that reflect your love of animals.

2. Paw prints and nose smudges on glass doors and windows break up glare and soften the light in a room.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asks.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.'

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots